The Four Most Common Words

Do you know what the four most common words in the English language were for the past decade?

That's right, they were "I'm starting a blog." (I don't have a good source for that other than my experiences trying to read half of them, but I'm sure I could make one on Wikipedia if pressed to do so). And for perhaps the sixth time in the last decade, I AM STARTING A BLOG! But this time will be a little different. This time I have an accountability partner - my wife Alison. Indeed, this blog, like most of the rest of my life, simply wouldn't make sense without her. Why, you ask? Because this blog is about how we will each experience one of the most significant events in our life together - my upcoming move to France to run a bar and start a tour company, while Alison remains in the States for a couple of years as our son finishes high school. Oh, and there is the little matter of the whole thing being her idea in the first place. And while we have seen any number of blogs and books about people moving abroad, what we haven't really seen is one where the couple has to be apart for an extended period of time as part of the move. While we don't expect many people will be going through the same kind of experience, perhaps it is unique enough to make people interested in following it. So you will see posts from both of us as we go through the process.

But wait, you say. You are a patent attorney. And so is she. What on earth do the two of you know about running a bar? Well I'll tell you. I don't know. (Unspoken accent courtesy of Tevye from Fiddler on the Roof).

The last restaurant experience I had was as a fry cook at the Space Center outside Titusville, Florida when I was a teenager. And that led me to have nightmares of french fries chasing me, cutting me up into fries and frying me! Alison really hasn't had much more experience. Perhaps I'll let her tell you about her run in with a milkshake machine in her younger years.

But, my time as a fry cook was a job I took because I needed something and it paid relatively well, and frankly I didn't have a lot of other choices. In contrast, owning a bar was a decision that took Alison and I a lot of analysis, discussion and deliberation. So surely, there will be no issues whatsoever! But, really, if that were the case, then this blog wouldn't be terribly interesting, would it?

OK, then, you say, if you have no catering or bartending experience, what even led you to consider buying a bar? That one is easier. It started out as a joke. [See quasi-humorous footnote 1 below]. After all, after a bad day, who hasn't said "I'd rather run a bar in the Caribbean"? And frankly, who wouldn't rather be sitting on a beach with an umbrella drink than dealing with problems at work or broken appliances at home? And how did it become a reality? Well, that is a fairly convoluted story, involving a number of well-timed coincidences and one very unique opportunity. But I'll try to do my best to make sense of it.

Step 1 is to understand "Why France?" Suffice it to say, I have always wanted to live in France since I was very young, as I recounted in a post on a different blog, voyage2inspiration. (Click here if you are interested in the details). And so, for years, I have planned to retire in France. I will often look at ads for property in various regions of France, just to get a feel of what it would cost me to retire there. Well, earlier this year, I was on one of the sites I frequently use (www.green-acres.fr), and there was an ad for a bar in the south of France. I wasn't used to looking at businesses on this site, especially in the price range I was considering, so it piqued my interest. And once I looked at the pictures and the description, I could tell it was exactly the kind of place I could see Alison and me buying in the future. But I really didn't give it any serious consideration.

"OK," you say, "now I know why you want to go to France and how you found the bar, but that doesn't explain anything really. Don't you have a career and a family here in the States?" Yes. Yes, indeed, I do. And that's where the well-timed coincidences come into play. So let's move to Step 2 - my career.

For a variety of reasons, the details of which are irrelevant here, I had not enjoyed my career for several years. It was becoming more and more clear that my law firm was not going to be in the picture much longer. So I started looking for other opportunities. Unfortunately, there just weren't many in the Chicago region, so it was beginning to look like any new job would require a move. And given that most of the openings were on the coasts, it seemed as if I would be heading somewhere that required a flight to get to and that was substantially more expensive than Chicago. Things got more interesting when it became clear that moving from a law firm to a corporation would be far more difficult than I had anticipated. So Alison and I began considering other possibilities, such as us opening up a business, or me starting a consulting firm related to data privacy issues, writing a book or starting a travel blog.

Bring on the next timing issue. We had been planning a family vacation in Italy for some time, and I was now beginning to actively look for flights. I wanted to use miles if possible, but the flights to Rome required far too many miles. And I began to think, what if I just go over a little earlier than the rest of the family and see if southern France is really somewhere I could see myself living long-term. So I looked at flights, and voila, a flight from Chicago to Toulouse via Munich, then connecting to Rome, and then direct back to Chicago, for very few miles. Alison and I discussed it and agreed that I would go over 10 days early, look around the Languedoc and Provence, and try to write, whether it be a novel or a blog. Well, given that I was going to be there anyway, I contacted the realtor and set up a viewing of the bar, as well as a house I had seen on his website.

Flash forward a few weeks, and I am in Ginestas, France looking at a wine bar. Ginestas is a quintessentially French village nestled almost equidistantly between the Mediterranean and the mountains of the Parc of the Haut-Languedoc. The minute I walked up to the bar I was smitten. And here is where the unique opportunity comes in. I would learn that the bar is open only 3 days a week, which would either allow me to generate extra income by opening it additional days or allow me to focus on other ventures such as writing on days off. And there was more. The bar serves wine and beer only - so no need to have bartending skills. And the menu is an intentionally limited selection of light tapas, something I could easily handle. I spent a couple of hours with the realtor and the current owners, and left thinking maybe this could be real.

This meeting was on the second of my ten days in France before heading to Rome to rendezvous with the family. And I spent the next eight days chewing over the possibility as I continued to look around the region. Part of my consideration, and a step I highly recommend that anyone considering such a move or purchase does, was to create an extensive pro-con list. I took several days with the list, and more and more items came up until I had a very lengthy document. The complexity of it was amplified by the fact that I also had to consider what my options were for a different job in the States.

Naturally, my family was at the top of the list of considerations. After all, we had a kid in high school for the next two years, and so there was no way Alison could join me early on. But what kept coming back to me was that I had a high likelihood of having to move and be away from my family anyway if I got another job in the States. On my list, the pros generally outweighed the cons, but the cons. such as leaving my family behind, were significant. Before leaving for Italy, I went back to the bar one more time just to make sure I wasn't over-glamorizing my first visit. But this only served to reinforce how much I actually liked not only the bar, but the entire area.

On to the next step. I met up with the family in Italy, and Alison and I had a brief discussion about my trip before agreeing that we would reserve a full discussion until after our vacation was over. We sat down with my list and went through it in excruciating detail, as well as adding thoughts that Alison had that I had not considered. We discussed the idea with some of our friends, all of whom thought we should take the plunge. And I asked the realtor to see several years of financials, so I could determine the economic impact on our lives. It didn't take long for Alison to be convinced that we should do this, because, for the first time in years, I was truly excited about an opportunity. It took me quite a bit longer to agree. But we finally decided to pull the trigger. We made an offer which was accepted, and we are currently waiting for what is the French equivalent of a signed offer - the compromis. This is a much more involved document in France. Our understanding is that once we have the compromis, it will be about three months before we close on the property.

So for the next three months, watch for updates as we go through the process of getting all the necessities completed for my move. You'll get to enjoy our agonizing over who gets to keep the dogs, our frustrations with the pace things move in France, and our excitement as everything becomes more real. You'll get to enjoy the classes I have to go to in France regarding restaurant hygiene and alcohol laws. You'll get to follow along as we figure out how to renovate the upper floors of the bar. And you'll get the benefit of our take on the French legal system. We'll do our best to keep it interesting.

On final note. We have been extremely fortunate that everyone in our lives (barring my ex, her attorney, and to some extent the court) have been extremely supportive of and excited about the idea. Their excitement has helped fuel our own and has given us extra energy to pursue this venture. So to all our friends and family, merci infiniment.

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[Quasi-humorous footnote 1] Not everyone found my joke amusing. When I first began considering what I was going to do after my law practice, I started the blog voyage2inspiration to track my search for "the next phase of life." On it, I repeated inside family jokes about me buying a bar or a goat farm. Given that they weren't in on the family jokes, my ex-wife and her attorney, who were apparently stalking my social media, immediately filed a motion in our never-ending divorce case (our divorce was effective January 2008, but we haven't gone a single year without being in court for one reason or another) seeking to force me to remain an attorney until all our kids are out of college. Ignore for a moment the difficulties I was having in looking for jobs, but more importantly, as I told my attorney to put in our response, indentured servitude was abolished in the mid-1800's by the 13th Amendment to the Constitution. This was a fact that at least the judge appreciated, even if my ex's attorney seemed to have little concept of, or perhaps simply no regard for, the Constitution. And now, humorously enough, the joke has surprisingly come true.

As a further aside, the ridiculous motions I have had to deal with in the past year led me to found a non-profit in Illinois called Divorced Dads Fight Back (www.divorceddadsfightback.com), which is in its very early stages. I will continue to build this group even from abroad to help other fathers facing difficulties with attorneys and the courts, even knowing there will likely be no benefits for me because my obligations are coming to an end in the next few years.